Beneath The Surface

What are you thankful for?

Thanksgiving weekend is upon us and yes, that means the long weekend. The last long weekend before Christmas and New Year--which signifies the end and the beginning of the year, consequently.

We have so many things that we ought to be thankful for and yet we think that this universe owe us something so big that we don't seem to be happy enough and content with what we have. It's like it's never enough and will never be enough. People nowadays are impatient and aggressive. They want everything within an arm's reach! They want everything "NOW". They cannot wait. They've taken "TIME IS GOLD" to heart without even stopping to appreciate the value of time by pausing for while and "breathing-in" the scenery, so to speak. They've become so engorged with technology and information that they have forgotten to value what is the essence of life--to enjoy ife without technology. Enjoy nature's gift and the comfort and love of family and friends.

Or maybe, I'm pertaining to the majority of the people of First-world, and the teenagers of today's world--who all forget how lucky they are by having the so-called, "first-world problems".

Maybe it's just me... It irks me to think that there are so many things in the world to be thankful for and yet, people nowadays seem to find more problems in things that aren't even supposed to be problematic in the first place. People look for things they can escape from, looking for others for answers, if not looking for people to blame for their misfortunes and not taking responsibility for it and just trying to get out of it... To make themselves feel better, I suppose. Well, that would mean that they put themselves first, they think of themselves first, which would make them, at least in my opinion, selfish.

Yes, I believe that's the right word to describe today's world. They are selfish--self-patronizing, self-righteous, self-praising hypocrites that are just looking for escapes from the realities of today's realities. And that, for me, is sad.

I do admit--that yes, I do have my moments wherein I get all antsy and selfish and I just think for my own well-being. I feel horrible when I get to realize the moment that I have become the selfish human being that I loathe.

As much as I can, I try to appreciate all the things I have in my life right now.
Despite, all the little and big fights that me and my boyfriend have, I am thankful that I have someone in my life who loves me. I am thankful for the love I get from my parents and my 2 brothers. I am thankful to have a job that helps me sustain my way of life--not how or where I want to be in life, but at least I can afford to buy things I like. I am thankful for the things I have that I always seem to take for granted.

Bottomline, that's what.
Happy thanksgiving.


What are you thankful for?

I'm currently listening to Ed Sheeran's Photograph while typing on my brand new Macbook Pro.

I finally got to buy one for myself. After saving enough.
Or at least more or less.

It was still a deal because I used my brother's student discount. When we all both know that it's me who's going to use it and not
Karlo. He doesn't have the money to buy a macbook and he prefers PC.















I think it's pretty clever. It is also his last year of his school and it's just too wasteful to not use it to buy myself something.
Something worth the money and the price.

I owe this to myself.

Well, anyway, I better be going. Kyle and I are heading to IKEA---which I've never been to--to have breakfast/lunch and look at stuff.

It's just nice to finallhy be able to write on such a nice keyboard and all...
*sigh*

Dear soulmate,

Do I know you?
Have we met yet?
I would like to meet you now.
I would like to know if you're already in my life and I just don't know it yet.
Are you Kyle in the future?
I have a feeling it is not him just yet.
I am hopeful though.
You see, I am meticulous about my time spent.
I rather have my time spent meaningfully and not waste it.
So, if you are out there, make your presence felt by me. I want to be with you.
I love you and I don't even know who you are...

Always waiting,
Nice.

So, eto na. I've decided na Tag-Lish ang entry na to kasi napapraning na ako sa manager ko dito sa trabaho.
Mabilis lang ito kasi 15-minute break ko ngayon.
Nakakainis lang kasi sa bawat araw na papasok kami sa trabaho, nakadepende ang estado ng araw namin--kesyo kung masaya ba o chill lang o strict---sa kanyang mood.

Palagi na lang ganyan.
Ang mahirap pa eh hindi mo masabi ito sa HR dahil wala kaming HR department. Siya ang HR Department.
Kumusta naman yun diba?

Eh ang biased na nga niya. Ang unprofesional lang talaga at ang unfair.
Eh kung gusto ko mag-day off sa araw na yun eh. Wala naman talaga siyang magagawa. Ilang araw akong pumasok kahit may sakit ako ni kumusta wala siyang tanong.

Bahala na si God sa kanya.
Pagod na ako sa kadramahang ito... Professionalism lang naman hinihiling ko at fairness.
Pero wala eh, wala talaga. Kahit mga clients ko alam nila na todo trabaho ako at alam nila na hindi talaga magaling mag-manage ang current manager ko. Hindi talaga.

I can't believe na 1.5 years na ako sa company na ito. Grabe lang.
Kailangan ko na yatang i-cash in yung mga  benefits ko.

Magpapamasahe kaya ako ngayon.  Good luck na lang!

Christmas will never be the same again.

It will never be the same again. It may be better and it may be worse, but one thing's for sure--it will never be the same again.

From the moment we made that big move--from the Philippines to Toronto, Canada--it changed. I still get homesick. They don't celebrate Christmas here as early as September; there's that "politically correct" way of saying Merry Christmas which is "Happy Holidays"; and so many more...

I guess Christmas back in the day will just remain as that--NOSTALGIA--something to look back at and reminisce for--the happy days, the caroling, the simbang gabis. Now, I'm not saying it's better. It just is different.

Like before, I'd jump from christmas party to christmas party--from highschool friends' party, YFC christmas party, SFC Christmas Party, CFC Christmas Party and then the usual Family Noche Buena. However, now it's just different.
I still jump from Christmas Party to another but with new people--people you've only known less than a year or so.I also have 5 Christmases to go to -- but now not with Family but with my significant other.

A schedule of 2014 Christmas:
1. Head to parents' in Brampton and give out present
2. Head to Auntie Miriam's with my family around 7-9PM for the Jarinas Christmas Party
3. Head to Oakville to Walkinshaw-Williams household for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.
4. Head to parents' in Brampton for Christmas mass and brunch.
5. Head to Burlington to Kyle's Aunt Judy's for a short Christmas afternoon snack
6. Head to Mississauga to Uncle Ian's House for Christmas Dinner with the Walkinshaws..

6 Christmases in a matter of 2 days.
*deep sigh*

I don't know if it's just a matter of old age that I'm getting tired so easily (perhaps) but even just thinking about it exhausting.

At least I get one day of rest (26th) before another Christmas Party with SFC (regin, jen, maa, zhai and etc.)....
26th is Boxing day and I do plan on shopping --if i'm not too tired, that is.

*sigh*

Nevertheless, have a merry merry christmas, darling! :)
Hope yours is as much fun or better than mine! :)

Hashtag... more like a pound or a sharp.

I feel silly using the word hashtag. I know I don't make it seem like it bother me but it does. It's kind of like when keyboards don't follow the "Q-A-Z, W-S-X, E-D-C...etc" rule in typing. (Yes, I'm pretty much old-fashioned--Trained how to type using all my fingers perfectly laid out on asdfjkl; keys moving them around as I go.)

So, anyway, I have been reading a lot of Balikbayan stories/articles from Rappler and truth be told, YES, they are true. I like how I'm not the only one feeling this way every time I go back to the Philippines--that mixed feelings of excitement and anxiety of seeing everyone you know--knowing at the back of your mind, you need to have pasalubongs prepared, otherwise, they'd bug you for it.



Not that I'm not generous. I think I am. Or at least, I think I used to be.
It's just that earning my own money and paying my own bills made me more cautious about spending money over unnecessary stuff.

It's not that I don't want to "share my blessings"--I do! I will gladly share you "monetary blessings" should I have a lot of money. But that is not the case. I would however, share with you tips and tricks of living here--battling with depression or homesickness, and the like. That, I would gladly share--and consider my blessings.

2 articles that hits me to the bone marrow are the following:

1. 'Ang yabang mo na!' and other things balikbayans are told


2. Friendships matter in cold and dark winters

There are still other articles to be read by yours truly, but I only have about a minute before my break is over and i finish this entry.

~~ toodles~~

~~to be continued.

It's the eve of my 26th birthday. I will be 26 years old in about 18 minutes. Woopee-doo!

Now, I'm not one sad person but honestly, things could have been better. It's like every year birthdays are becoming more and more irrelevant. As opposed to what I've been used to--you know, holidays and celebrations and stuff. Last big party I had was during my 20th birthday, 6 years ago... Before that, was my 18th birthday.

I don't know it's just a lot of people who I've been hoping to come--or even show up aren't coming whatsoever. It's Kyle's friends who are coming... Not that I don't want them to come--I do, just that it was rather disappointing to have people decline on you on your birthday when you've been there for them as a friend--but to celebrate your birthday with you, they can't. Don't know why...

I should be lucky, because at least Kyle's here. I've been celebrating my birthday with him for 3 years now. And even though it's different, at least i know I'm not alone on my birthday.

I'm hungry.
Toodles.
I'm going to eat sweet and sour pork with rice.

By the time I check up on you once again, I'll be 26... one year older!


Now this is morbid...

You know that over-whelming feeling of seeing someone special in your life and imagining your life with them in the future?
Yup, I just had that right now.This moment.
Want to know why?

I was just going through this article I found on facebook, shared by a friend, Maita Gaerlan about dads, and somehow inside me I pictured Kyle being a dad.

Here's the link to the site.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/doyin-richards/21-photos-that-depict-true-modern-fatherhood_b_5718727.html

10. Dads know to apply makeup for their daughters before a dance recital begins.

8. Dads know that their kids take the best selfies.


For some reason, I can picture him being a dad and ultimately changing his priorities just as he is gradually changing his for me.
I don't know why, but I can see him. It's quite overwhelming, actually.

I don't know if I should tell him that I want to start a family with him. And that I can see him in our future. It might jolt him and freak him out. Hahaha, I do have a knack for that. But maybe, I will.

"Wala ka pang plan na bumalik dito?"
("No plans of coming back here?")

"Bakasyon (lang). Haha, wala nang babalikan eh, gustuhin man."
("Only for vacation. Haha, I don't have anything to go back for, much as I want to (have something to go back for).)
"Iba na. Dami nang nagbago."
(It's different (now). There's just so many changes.")


Above, is an excerpt of a facebook conversation between my friend, Ivan Mariano and I.
I happened to be going through my facebook messages and chanced upon the ones I haven't responded to. He messaged me months earlier and just neglected to respond back.

We talked about YFC and SFC--about our jobs, life here in Canada, and well, me going back home.

Even though most of the times, I feel rather homesick --and yes, I know it has been 5 years-- I still can't help feeling melancholia and nostalgic about the life I had back in the Philippines. It was too easy. I miss my friends and my family. I miss the easy lifestyle.However, whenever I get asked whether I want to go back and live there, I can't say I want to go back and live there for good anymore. It's just like what I said, there's nothing to go back there for--everything is different. I would go back to visit but not stay. My friends aren't there anymore--some of them are overseas, some of them have families, and have different priorities in life.

Life here is better--though not easy. It's quite an adjustment, believe me--having grown up in the Metro.

I wish  I can expound on this even more but truthfully, I can't. I have misplaced my ability to write eloquently. I need to write more in order for me to articulate what my thoughts and feelings are. To be able to use metaphors as examples to visualize how I'm feeling, would be a quest.

But bottomline: I can't go back for good. I can, however, visit. :) Perhaps, with my loved one in the near future...